Layers of language

I feel that there are three layers of language. The phonetics and etymology, the modern literal context, and the conceptual association.

I think that part of the reason I feel that language, and the study of language, is important (at least to Me), is possibly because I am maybe a little autistic. But also because I see so many people making decisions and having feelings on subjects that are so heavily influenced by a nonliteral aspect of the language used.

I have arrived at the conclusion over the years that I am excited to see language evolve. Slang, grammar deviations, etc, do not bother me most of the time. But when people dont understand the original, hard meaning of the words they use, or hear, I feel that causes a problem.

So many people, and I know that a lot of people reading this can think of examples where this is true, are swayed in arguments, elections, emotional convictions, general politics of language, because of a lack of understanding of the meaning of words.

Sarah Palin is a good example that most people can relate to. Much of what she says makes no sense unless you are only listening to the associations her words create rather than the meaning, or formulation of the thought.

I think that there are now two meanings for words, and more people are becoming more familiar with only one definition rather than the other.

Wolf is a good example that well enough demonstrates my purpose. Our language uses wolf as a noun: a carnivorous pack animal related closely to our modern domestic dogs. Our language has also, through association and events, learned to use Wolf as an adjective. Any creature which is deceptive, overly sexual, unethical and/or bloodthirsty. A man can be a wolf. Then again, other people use Wolf to describe positive traits. With the rise of totem-spirituality wolf has become a leader devoted to the well being of those he considers close. Nurturing, generous, fierce.

I love metaphor. Poetry allows me to enjoy a part of myself I have recently found too often that I forget to access. But I hate it when people twist language to fit the assigned metaphor MORE than it fits the actual definition of the word. Words are more than artistic interpretive pieces. And the more people start to see words' meanings as their metaphors, the easier it is for corporations, cults, politicians, parents, schools, etc, to manipulate your thoughts through associative language.

Which is why I sometimes wonder if I am slightly autistic. I would much prefer people to understand the language they are using, so that they can know what they are saying. Because if the person speaking to me doesnt know the meanings of the words they use, but only the imagery and reputation of that word, how can I know what they are trying to say? I am a literal person, despite my tendencies to waft off into the spiritual. And an untethered kite is pointless to anyone.

Perhaps it is just a case of this huge nation of english speakers dividing into more separated cultures, and therefore developing languages separately. I just hate knowing that the words I choose to use, whether or not they are literally relevant to the ideas I want to communicate, has more to do with how many people agree with me than the actual ideas I'm portraying. It feels like writing a paper with really well thought out ideas and having the professor send it back because I didnt write it in five paragraph essay format.

I think it's incredibly important that people know their own language in the literal sense. And I think it's silly that there's a notion that because you've learned how to think literally, objectively, scientifically, that somehow the magic is drained from your soul, that metaphor suddenly has no meaning, that you've castrated your connection to the world. That fear, I feel, is what really castrates us. Wrapping yourself up in false logic and inaccurate linguistics only cocoons you. The world is literally, objectively, and scientifically magical and its own adventure. You lose none of that by letting go of some of the sensationalism that so many parts of our culture have been encouraging for the sake of getting their way.

Exotic dancing, the grissly innards.

I have been assigned the task of discussing what I did with my time away from college, TO that college, in order to re-enroll. As most of the people looking at this know, one of several things I did with my time away was exotic dancing and pole dance instruction. I refuse to leave that part out, partially because I refuse to let anything make me feel or act ashamed of it, because I am not, but mostly because it takes up too much space in the categories of self improvement and discovery for me to justifiably not mention it. But that doesnt keep me from feeling suddenly nervous and awkward about it. I have no idea how to portray the information adequately to an audience that possibly doesnt understand it and has their own set of biases or a general leeriness about the industry and the kind of people who engage in it. I dont want to leave out so much information that, if there is any confusion about what the industry is, why I chose to engage in it, or how it possibly could have benefitted me, the point wont come across.

::Let's start at the beginning. What the industry is::

Dancing (stripping) is a lot of things, which involves a lot of different kinds of people who do it for a lot of different kinds of reasons. I have read a lot of essays from creative and intelligent people who chose for one reason or another to engage in stripping for however long, and I myself have a lot to say about it, but at the end of the day 95% of the people who wrote essays, and I, seem to have a similar message: It's not as big a deal as everyone likes to make it out to be.

::Why I chose to engage in it::

I have never been weird about nudity. I know other people are, and their judgements can color an experience FOR you, which sucks. But since I was 14 I've danced naked with my sister under the full moon in springtime, and later I engaged in some beautiful nude photography, some of which ended up in gallery showings (ah! Yet another thing I did with myself during my break from college!), and generally speaking I think there's little to be ashamed of in nudity, and I dont mean "it's fine for 'attractive' people to be unashamed of nudity", I mean that I think there's no shame in ANYONE being comfortable with being naked.

As well, I love dance. I LOVE dance. It's the only creative medium I feel I can use to adequately express every experience, every creative inkling, every mood, vent any emotion, experience the divine. I love dance. When I paint, I paint cathartically. I thrash, I splatter, I use old toothbrushes, straws, whiskey, sand, my hands, my arms, my feet. Half of an emotionally releasing painting, for me, is the movement of it. Half the things I do when creating a painting is for the sake of the sweep of the arm, the tiny motion of the fingers, the forward hunch as I bring myself closer to the canvas to etch some small detail.

So, stripping seemed interesting.

I started doing it while looking for a bartending gig. I walked in and it turned out to be a gogo lounge. I thought, "well, I've already been thinkin bout it, lets see what all the fuss is about". And I started. My third day I was sitting on a stool talking passionately about politics and ethics with a lawyer who had come in. I was in my bra, a thong, garters and fishnets. We had been talking for about 15 minutes when I realized that I was in my skivvies talking about terribly interesting subjects with a man who expected that, at least in this place, me not wearing pants while sipping on a cosmo discussing the ethics and draw of being a criminal defense lawyer was totally acceptable and normal. That was when I thought to myself "this is the most awesome job I've ever had".

::Why I stayed, once I was in::

Acrobatics. I discovered delightful, endlessly creative, strength and flexibility building acrobatics. Oh god, when I first saw a girl go upside down on the pole, I was born again. Suddenly the pole was a canvas, a whole world of discovery. I am bordering on advanced now in terms of pole acrobatics, and I still dont think I'll ever stop discovering new ways to move, new tricks, new thrilling dives 30ft before catching myself, etc.

And it's SUCH a beautiful and sensual way to increase your body strength, balance, and flexibility. The thing that bothers me most about the stigmas of pole dancing (aside from the general dehumanization of the people who engage in it by those who disapprove) is that people really dont seem to be even willing to acknowledge how beautiful of an art it can be. I've seen professional competitors combine martial arts, ballet, ballroom dance, bellydance and obviously burlesque techniques to their performances. It's fun. Even if there are five customers sitting at a bar and none of them are particularly lively or engaging, the actual dance is so, so fun. I get it. Not all girls who are strippers dance. Not all girls who are strippers love the dancing part as much as I do. But I do, and plenty of other girls do too even if they dont do all the acrobatics I do. In and of itself it's a phenomenally fluid form, and I think it's good for people to admit that even if not in clubs, learning sensual dances is good for women and men psychologically. There's an online interview with Suzie Q, one of my favorite pilates-instructors-turned-pro-pole-dancer who now has her own pole dancing studio. She was saying that she's never prouder than when the women who are too shy about their bodies to come in wearing the required shorts to class, finally start coming in in shorts. She cites getting phone calls from husbands of her students who want to thank her for "giving their wives back to them", ie that they are feeling more sexual, more confident, happier, self-possessed, more like who they were when they married.

IN FACT, I'm going to link some of my favorite videos of professional, advanced performances in the comments section of this note. They are worth watching, even if you arent interested in dance.

I have never felt unsafe in a club at which I chose to work. Even the regulars are willing to stand against the one bad seed in a crowd. Security knows you, you cant work with them without getting into lots of casual conversations with them. You go outside to share a cigarette with them. They know what you do for your "real job", they know if you have kids. They've seen pictures. If someone in the club is behaving badly, security cares. If someone behaves blatantly badly, Security will vault the bar to escort them out. I have heard of places that arent quite like that. But those places are easy to catch on to and avoid, if you are so inclined.

::How it benefitted me in the long run::

I discovered my love of any arts that involve the body. Pole dancing led to aerial acrobatics which led to the circus arts which led to fire fan dancing. These are all things I wish to continue with throughout my life, they are passions of mine, and I wouldnt have found them otherwise. And if I did...perhaps through meeting someone involved in acrobatics or circus arts... I would NEVER have thought that I could possibly do it. I'm too old to develop the flexibility. It's intimidatingly hard. I'm not strong enough. I dont have the time to practice. I dont have the confidence. Things like that dont just come to me. Except they do, and this is how it happened.

Obviously, I also discovered the drawbacks to working in clubs. Like most jobs, the thing that got to me most often was some of the people I had to deal with. To quote from an essay I read from a woman who danced, "stripping is a crash course in assertiveness training" (I would love to cite that, but I lost the book it was in). But even that was wonderful for me to experience. So much more of myself came out when I finally realized that my boundaries were MINE to draw, MY responsibility, and I had a complete right to make other people deal with those boundaries and the consequences of crossing them. But it didnt negate the fact that some people are just jerks, egotists, who dont "get it", who just go into clubs to feel like they can hold power over someone for the sake of a dollar. But the thing about dancing is that while those people annoy the heck out of all the dancers in the room, you do NOT have to deal with those people. You can walk right past them, slap them in the face, whatever. Obviously some reproaches are more appropriate for the crime than others, but it's your world and you are fully within your rights to deal with the patrons, or not deal with them, as you see fit as long as it's not wildly over reactive. Likewise, it's your money, whatever you are willing to deal with to make an extra $20-40 a night is your business as long as it's not illegal.

Not everyone who comes into clubs is a jerk. I made friendships I still have today in clubs. Both girls and guys. I learned that so, so many people are not dangerous. Even if, in a club, someone tries to touch you inappropriately, they arent scary. They're behaving badly. You can correct them, either politely or forcefully, and they will stop. You have to teach people, because some people dont get it, because some dancers ARE, in fact (no judgments here), prostitutes. I am not afraid of people, I am annoyed by bad behavior, thoughtlessness and blanket assumptions. I would not have thought of it that way three years ago.

And with that, I think I've lost my steam. This seems thorough, if not a little too long.

First language post!

Someone who I give absolutely no credit to for having the world's best ideas, but not for him not being intelligent in any capacity (and also, he does speak three languages), mentioned a week or so ago that English is the "most specific language". I think that sentence should be finished with "...for my needs given my English raised context".

I dont speak a million languages, but I patently disagree with his original statement. But, as I said, I am not intimately aquainted with actual languages other than English, only linguistic analyses that point out the uniqueness and cultural relevance of a few.

Anyone?

Pornography vs. Prostitution: let's examine.

I'm going to preface my opinion by asking a question. What do you think prostitution involves, other than a man/woman paying another person to have sex with them? Is it different to you than pornography? Why? Is it a technical reason, or emotional one? Ethical? Moral? 

I just got my computer into my new house (not my house, renting a room in the new house), so obviously my moving in is finally official. Clearly one of the first things I did was watch some pornography. Which reminded me of something that I hear once in a while when someone who doesnt like the sex industry wants to appear liberally cool with it while still having a valid objection: "So she's a whore when you want to pay her money, but if you're paying her money and you're filming and distributing it, she's an actress." I actually think it's a family guy quote, but I dont think it originated there. Or maybe whats his name put his own spin on it. Either way.

I dont think that filming it alone is what makes it considered different context from just standing on a street corner waiting for any old schmo to haul up and give you a $20.

Differences, that I can see, between porno and "regular, plain ol" prostitution:

1) (The obvious answer) Unless you've really established yourself in the prostitution/escort scene, porno pays a heck of a lot better.

2) EVERYONE involved in a porn film is getting paid. The man having sex with the woman is not the one who hands her $500 to suck his cock. The website/label does. It's not one guy paying a chick and filming it and then having it all be magically legal prostitution. The men, the film crew, the director...all getting paid, because they are all collaborating on a project. Argue what you will about the legitimacy of peoples' reasons for doing it, it isnt the same financial power dynamic. (Unless of course you dont pay attention to the contract you sign or what crew you get involved with, but how attentive YOU are isnt the point...the point is that the resource to be treated fairly is THERE!)

3) In addition to paying better, most people have a choice as to what they do in porn, and if you're a woman, you have a pretty good pick of the lot of areas you're comfortable with or turned on by, and will still get paid well.

4) Pornography is a ladder you can climb if you care to. Like any job, if you're good at it, everyone can see you're good at it, and you will have an increasing ability to choose what you do, how much you make, how often you do it, and with whom/what organizations. Prostitution COULD be the same, but as it is (because it is illegal and therefore has no effective means of regulation or safety other than common sense) it seems like you either work alone in a puddle of anonymity you'll likely get stuck in, and instead of climbing up just develop a group of regulars youre comfortable with, OR you work with a pimp/group who all share the money and not always fairly, and will work (sometimes using abuse) to keep you in THAT group longer if you're good at what you do so they can continue to reap your rewards.

5) (And this goes back to the "because porn is legal and prostitution is not" thing): Pornography involves documents that ensure and outline the definitions of consent, and terms of that consent.

That isnt to say that I havent read the essays of women who handled their stint in prostitution in an unorthodox way and had a really interesting/unique experience because of it. Some women are keen businesswomen, or have a very on point way of dealing with their ownership of their bodies and a lack of shyness which allows them to walk off the beaten path from the get go. But from what I understand, these cases are not the majority at all.

This post was in no way meant to say that I think prostitution is inherently dangerous. I have no issue with it other than I think that it's yet ANOTHER area of the sex industry that isnt nearly well enough organized or monitored fairly, which is why I think that pornography is so neat. It found loopholes, ways to become organized, make sure it's legit, keeps itself in check, provides for all those involved and (in most cases) fairly. It's simply safer and less chaotic than prostitution. If anything I think the government should work harder to let people do what they're going to do in a safer context.

So shut up. Pornography is a different industry than prostitution. Stop illegitimizing something you're uncomfortable with based on information that is untrue and unrelated.

Cultural and philosophical analysis...?

The Colbert Report's interview with the Harvard head of Philosophy actually struck a chord with me. I generally speaking dont like the interviews on the Report because they are just as satirical as the rest of the show, whereas on the Daily Show the comedy isn't in a lightheartedness that I feel robs the interviewee of the message they want to make.

The discussion was about his book, which examined the idea that people today find it harder to find things to find meaningful.

I havent read the book, but taking that idea and getting an idea of his position through the interview, it made me wonder. Generally speaking I think I agree...but not in that people find it harder to hold things as meaningful, but that nowadays it's a lot easier to phone it in. Facebook protest loops, for example. Facebook in general. You can format who you are, choose the way you come across to the world, decide what information you give and therefore affect the way people perceive your mood and life without having to do anything but tap your fingers. It is potentially words without actions.

I think I agree with him because I myself feel like I dont care about the things I should. At the same time, I feel like I am sometimes flummoxed at how little people around me seem to cherish the things I DO cherish. So in light of that I have to wonder if my perception is just based on not having the same values as those around me and feeling that disconnect. I wonder if that's what the people who wrote that book were experiencing.

I've always felt that if you go back in time, rather than be shocked by the difference a lot of people would be surprised at how similar people five hundred, or even a thousand, years ago are to people today. The illusion that we were different comes from being able to see the obvious difference in available and known information about the world, culture and custom. It's tempting to project a whole slew of different individual and existential differences as well based on that, but I dont think those individual differences really exist between your average man of 1405 and your average man of 2011. It's easy to forget that when we look back in history, the ways we analyze and create a picture of how things were are inanimate objects, and written history/evidence of outstanding events and people. We dont get an account of the general latency of the general population of a general city. We get explosions, lulls, outstanding figures who pushed things forward and made things interesting, artists whose work we can still appreciate. It's hard to remember that the time itself wasnt necessarily that interesting to someone not in that loop of inertia. It was just a few artists, political figures, wars, mathematicians and philosophers who managed to stand out, or even just write down what they knew.

I think that perhaps rather than not finding anything sacred, it's simply a definition of what sacred is. And it's certainly easy for people to become complacent nowadays perhaps moreso than 1000 years ago. And, going off on my own little tangent, it seems to be such a shame to waste the lavishness of our culture on complacency, but perhaps that's just how it goes.

So anyway. The idea that I'm weighing right now is: Is the issue really that people nowadays are finding it more difficult to find things meaningful, moreso than at other points in time? Or is it that we can see the ways in which our modern culture makes it easy for people to disregard the sacred, and we assume that it's unique to this culture to do so?

Oh god oh godohgodohgod

Thanks to Arafelis: http://io9.com/#!5750370/make-it-so-sexy-exclusive-first-look-at-the-new-star-trek-the-next-generation-porn-movie

I think some friends and I have to arrange a movie night...